Shady Clearing

Things have been interesting lately.  In the time that’s passed since I was last using this thing, I’ve managed to become not-single, maintain my job at Wal-Mart, and gain some presense as a computer consultant.  Overall things haven’t really changed much, but it sure seems like it sometimes.

Wal-mart…well, it’s a job.  I still work in the Deli as I have for a year and a half now.  The pay is alright, though our management is as disorganized as ever.  I would love to get out of that place, but for now it pays the bills and I can’t complain too much.

Computer consulting… I make it sound so important.  In actuality, I’ve been repairing more computers than I’ve been building, but that brings in more money than building them since more people break their computers than buy new ones.  It’s fun though, and provides some extra money that I otherwise wouldn’t have, so I’m happy for that.

All in all, I’ve found that I have way too many thoughts running through my head throughout the day and night to just keep them inside.  It keeps me from sleeping well, and affects my mood.  So I’ve decided to force myself to start using this website like I used to, posting every day.  Here’s to hoping I can keep up with that, and seeing if anyone notices.

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Music: Love On The Rocks by Sara Bareilles

So, there’s been a long time between my last post and now, and that’s due to life and such.  Regardless, I’ve found something to help me get into the swing of making posts again.  It’s a writing excersize generator.  It has 44800 possibilities, so it should take a good while to run out.

The generator can be found at Panthermoon.com, if you wish to give it a try.

I should note that any excersizes written that would not be appropriate for viewing in public places will be password protected.  The password will be provided, however.

You know, there comes a time, sometimes many times, in a person’s life when something they hear, read or feel sparks something inside them and they are empowered to make great changes in the way they think or act.  Just recently I had a time like that occur.  I’ve been reading a very interesting and informative book, and after setting it aside on night, I reflected back on the incomprehensible network of paths and decisions that had brought me to where I am in the present.  I was faced with two questions:  Is this where I want to be?  If not, then what am I going to do to get where I want to be?

I pondered those questions for some time, thinking about how I feel about my current position, and about where I want myself to be.  From there, I thought about what I’m doing now that’s holding me back from what I want to do.  The answer, of course, was myself.  I’ve simply not been allowing myself the chance to move forward by merely accepting that what I’m doing now is good enough and by doing that I’ve been limiting my potential.  I’ve been letting myself stagnate in place instead of moving, because it’s what I’d become used to.  I’d been playing host to the idea that it wasn’t my fault I couldn’t get ahead, but the fault of those above me who wouldn’t let me get ahead.

This, of course, was a flat out lie.  I was only telling myself that to justify my thoughts and inaction.  Now that I’ve opened my eyes to what I’ve been doing wrong, I’ve made it my personal ambition and goal to better myself in any way I can. Financially, I intend to begin budgeting my money so I actually have some left over.  Socially, I aim to be more outgoing and less afraid of what people think.  On matters of health, my first goal is to stop smoking!  That alone will greatly improve my health.  I feel that by improving a few areas of my life first, other areas are sure to follow.  The only thing that can keep me from achieving these goals is me, so I have to steel my will and go for it with all that I’ve got.  The hardest part is going to be quitting, so to help with that I’m going to make daily posts for the next week or so to illustrate the changes in my daily habits that take place due to my decision, as well as any things that have made it difficult to not stick to it.

So, if there’s any readers out there that I just don’t realize are there, here’s to you, me and a bright future!

Well, Halloween is upon us. Perhaps you refer to it as All Hallows Eve, or even Samhain, but in the end, it’s just a name. Some folklore describes Halloween as the single day of the year when the world of the living and the world of the dead become so closely arranged that the dead are able to manifest themselves among the living freely. To others, it is merely a day of revelry where children (and some adults!) masquerade from place to place, collecting treats and falling prey to the occasional trick.

Whatever your view of the holiday, I’m sure that the most will be made of it for those who are able. The biggest thing to remember is to always play it safe. I know, I know, you hear it from every angle each year, but it’s the truth. Even if you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else, there is always a risk of a seemingly innocent neighbor doing something malicious to the “goodies” that he or she gives out. For any kids that may somehow come upon this article, remember this especially. If you’re going to be out after dark, wear something reflective so drivers can see you. If you receive anything that isn’t wrapped, don’t eat or use it! It can be a clue to something sinister afoot. Ask your parents to check your other treats for any signs of tampering. Even though something being wrong with your stuff isn’t necessarily common doesn’t mean that it could never happen, and you can take that to the bank.

As for me this holiday, I’ll be “celebrating” it in my way. This will likely include food, fun and folly with friends, and on a more serious side, some rituals that are fitting for the Sabbot. In the end, I’m sure it will be seen by those involved as something to remember for some time.

In other news, AeonRO just got a big update. It includes a client update from the standard Sakray client to X-Ray, allowing us much greater flexibility in custom client-side additions, as well as 18 new hairstyles for both male and female characters, bringing the total number of styles to a comfortable 41. As a prank for the holiday and our own amusement, the staff and I also did a little job class renaming, which the players -still- haven’t all noticed. And some of the names are just FUNNY. For example, the Gypsy class is now going by the moniker of “Pantsmistress”, while the Archmagus prestige class is currently known as “Magic 8 Ball.” You might think of that as being silly and not very useful, but then it was never intended to be useful…just amusing.

And now, I shall include a quote that, though new to me, has been a part of my thinking for a very long time.

We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.
- Andre Berthiaume

Fitting too is this quote for the holiday.  Though on Halloween many of us will wear a mask to hide our identity from others, we often very rarely think about the masks we wear each and every day.  Some of us are so used to wearing them that we even forget that we do.  I am not innocent of wearing masks either, though I like to think that I remove them more often than some.  To wear a mask in this context is to put on a face.  It may not hide your identity like those novelties we buy at the store, but in fact it does much worse, in that it hides how you -feel-.  Every person has his or her own concerns, worries and problems that run through our minds each day, but do we let everyone know it, or show that something is bothering us?  Of course not!  As we go out into public everyday, we put on our respective masks that allow us to show only as much emotion as we want others to see.  A person may smile at you, but there’s really no way of knowing whether they’re actually happy or just being polite.  In contrast, when something really terrible happens, we may put on a mask of anger, causing us to lash out at those around us, while in reality we’re hurting with sorrow or regret on the inside.  The reason we wear these masks is because we’re afraid that showing how we really feel will make us appear vulnerable, stupid, or weak.  We don’t want people to think we can’t handle whatever hardships we’re facing, to think that we aren’t smart enough to figure out a problem, or know that we’re having a hard time which may make it easy for them to take advantage of us.

This is mostly a means of self-preservation, but it becomes a problem when we become so dependent on our masks that we forget we’re even wearing them, or worse - how to take them off.  At that point, the line between who we seem to be and who we really are becomes increasingly muddled, to the point of being entirely indiscernible.   It is then that we risk having our lives thrown into turmoil when something so drastic happens that it rips the masks from our faces, taking some of our flesh with it because it had become so adhered.  When that happens, we’ve almost actually lost a part of our real selves, that we have to work very hard to get back.

I suppose the moral of this would be that while wearing a mask is a very normal and common thing, never forget to take it off sometimes and truly just be yourself.  If you can’t trust anyone enough to do that, then are you really even at terms with yourself, or have you forgotten who you really are?

That’s all for tonight.  Ta~

I just got back a few hours ago from 4 days in Wisconsin!  It was a blast, even if I do say so myself.  I ended up bringing the accent back with me, too.  At any rate, let’s get started on recapping this trip.

THURSDAY/FRIDAY

We (Teresa, her daughter and I) left Thursday night around  11:30pm.  I  was the driver for the trip, so that was a hilarious 10 hours.  I figured that Teresa or at least her daughter would sleep sometime during the trip, but of course not.  Made the trip up there go by quite quickly, seeing as how of 10 hours driving, I only spent about 30 minutes of it not laughing.  We arrived in Alma Center, Wisconsin at around 10 am Friday morning.  I know that’s more than 10 hours, but you have to consider that we stopped once at a rest area and twice at gas stations to fill up.

At that point I had met Becky and Melissa.  Melissa is Teresa’s sister, and the reason we went up there in the first place.  Shortly thereafter, Chuck (or Chucky, or Sucky) came in, and thus another new face was made known to me.  Chuck was the other half of the reason for being there, as he was to be the groom to the bride that Melissa was to be.  After the meetings took place, we hung around for a while, just chatting and what not.  Becky showed up shortly, and the three ladies went out to find shoes to wear for the wedding, leaving Zabrina and I to our own devices for finding things to do.

We ended up going over to her cousin Quinn’s house for a bit.  Quinn was cool.  Apparently  he’s a geek too, although I didn’t have much of a chance to actually talk to him as I didn’t have anything to really say.  After staying there for about an hour, we left and went back to Melissa’s house and finally got some rest around 7pm…

That is, until around 10pm as far as I’m concerned, because it was at that point that Teresa called wondering if I was going to sleep all night or if I wanted to come out for a while.  Of course I chose to go out for a while, although I was going to be driving by myself and she was drunk while trying to give me directions.  As much as that may sound like a disaster waiting to happen, I really didn’t get too lost for driving in an unfamiliar place in the dark.  I ended up in Humbird at first, but quickly figured out what I’d done wrong and found myself in Merrillan shortly thereafter, at the bar that I was looking for.

Once inside, I found Teresa and her friends Donna and Kim at the other end of the bar, and walked over to greet them.  Introductions were had and then I had a few drinks.  Nothing really strong, but they were really tasty.  At that point was where I was first introduced to Dane.  Dane is this large piece of man standing about 6′6″ and with a good amount of meat to back it up.  That is to say, he’s a rather good looking man.  Full beard and all that…just Woof!  Anyway, from there we left and went back to Black River Falls to Donna and Kim’s hotel room for chatting and whatnot, as well as some sleep for the next day.  That was run in itself, and gave us time to get to know each other better.  Fell asleep around 2:30am, and now we can continue to the next day…

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